Chris Barnes

My name is Chris Barnes. While MomTalk traditionally includes “conversations for, by and about mothers” of various aged children, I am happy to add my voice to this community as a dad. My wife and I are both public school educators. We live and work in Jacksonville, NC. I am a school administrator and my wife works with special needs children. We are both products of military families. We have three girls... or soon will. Our youngest is 3 and we have one on the way. Our oldest, Chan, just turned 13 and is a middle schooler (7th grade). Having a teenager in middle school and working with middle school aged students, I hope to be able to offer a perspective about parenting that is helpful to mothers… and fathers too here in Middleville! Back in the day we called it Junior High School… the school that was really a smaller or younger version of High School. For quite a while now we’ve called it “middle” school. I think “middle” school may be the better description of the age of the children if not the structure of the school itself. These kids, usually between the ages of 12 and 14, are really in the MIDDLE. No longer the little kids in the house. Not yet big enough to drive and be out and about on their own. Our middle school -aged children face a host of issues that are no different than when our parents and grandparents were early teens (puberty and body issues; the difficulty of relationships- teen to teen and teen to parent; goals and getting ready for the future). But they do face a set of really difficult challenges that my parents never faced (cyberbullying, texting and sexting, early and frequent exposure to destructive imagery related to sex, drugs, and alcohol; mental health issues; eating disorders…). With so many challenges, I appreciate the ability to read what other parents think about these issues at MomTalk and read what the experts say about related medical issues at O’Healthy . Middleville gives me an opportunity to discuss the challenges and triumphs of parenting a “middle” kid. With more than one child in the house, the things I write will be influenced by my experiences with all of my children and the children I work with on a daily basis.

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Playing The Role Of A “Detective”

Do you play "Detective" at times?

Playing “Detective” is an important role for a parent.  What do I mean by this? Well,  it never hurts to check up on what your teen is doing.  You can do this in many different ways.  Start by keeping all communication lines open.  You want to give your teen privacy, but not secrecy.  Keeping thoughts or feelings in secrecy is sometimes not as good as keeping things private.

Teens are very private when it comes to texting.  As a parent it is our responsibility to make text checks.  Checking your teens texts can tell you a lot of whats going on in your teens social life.  I do not check my teens text messages all the time, however, I will every once in awhile take a peek.

I remember being a teen and sitting in the closet trying to find some privacy while I talked on the phone.  You need to give your teen privacy, and at the same time be watchful.  Teens need to have time to themselves for listening to music, unwinding, reading, texting, face booking, etc.

Therefore, it is okay to close the door off to the outside world and enjoy some alone time.  My teen enjoys doing all these things in privacy and there is nothing wrong with it.  I also feel there is nothing wrong with a little parental check in every once in awhile.   Teens face many challenges, temptations, and pressures, which is why I feel it is okay for me to play detective every now and then.

How do you play detective when it comes to your children? How do you stress the importance of communication?

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