Speaking Up vs. Back Talk
There is an element of disrepect in talking back but not in speaking up.
I recently read an article that really stuck with me. The headline to the article was something like “Teens Who Talk Back Are Better Off”. How so? I wondered. The term ‘back talk’ to me has a connotation of extreme unpleasantness because I think it describes an interaction that stems from an underlying disrespect from not only the teen but the parent.
Because usually back talk will escalate into a battle of wills that can range on and on unless diffused immediately. One of the toughest things you do as a parent is to hold your ground and keep your cool when your teen talks back.
The article discussed the theory that teens that talk back to parents and teachers were more likely to resist peer pressure. It described teens that were self-confident enough to express differing opinions to parents and teachers. I realized the writer meant ‘speaking up’ as opposed to ‘talking back’. Ok, then I can agree with that theory. People who do speak up on their own behalf do tend to be better off. But that is usually considered a skill honed in adulthood rather than the teen years. If someone gets a handle on assertiveness as a teen, I think that is a good thing.
So, yes, I want my kids to be comfortable with ‘speaking up’ but not with ‘talking back’. Speaking up indicates respect not just for the opposing viewpoint but for one’s self. Talking back falls short of both.
Does your teen speak up?
