Chris Barnes

My name is Chris Barnes. While MomTalk traditionally includes “conversations for, by and about mothers” of various aged children, I am happy to add my voice to this community as a dad. My wife and I are both public school educators. We live and work in Jacksonville, NC. I am a school administrator and my wife works with special needs children. We are both products of military families. We have three girls... or soon will. Our youngest is 3 and we have one on the way. Our oldest, Chan, just turned 13 and is a middle schooler (7th grade). Having a teenager in middle school and working with middle school aged students, I hope to be able to offer a perspective about parenting that is helpful to mothers… and fathers too here in Middleville! Back in the day we called it Junior High School… the school that was really a smaller or younger version of High School. For quite a while now we’ve called it “middle” school. I think “middle” school may be the better description of the age of the children if not the structure of the school itself. These kids, usually between the ages of 12 and 14, are really in the MIDDLE. No longer the little kids in the house. Not yet big enough to drive and be out and about on their own. Our middle school -aged children face a host of issues that are no different than when our parents and grandparents were early teens (puberty and body issues; the difficulty of relationships- teen to teen and teen to parent; goals and getting ready for the future). But they do face a set of really difficult challenges that my parents never faced (cyberbullying, texting and sexting, early and frequent exposure to destructive imagery related to sex, drugs, and alcohol; mental health issues; eating disorders…). With so many challenges, I appreciate the ability to read what other parents think about these issues at MomTalk and read what the experts say about related medical issues at O’Healthy . Middleville gives me an opportunity to discuss the challenges and triumphs of parenting a “middle” kid. With more than one child in the house, the things I write will be influenced by my experiences with all of my children and the children I work with on a daily basis.

mj-vieweg

The Purpose of Paris

Have you shared your dream with your kids?

In April, I took the boys to Paris over spring break. When I returned to work, a co-worker stopped by to welcome me back. He said, “I don’t know of any mom who would go to Paris and take her kids.”

When I decided to go to Paris to fulfill my lifelong dream, it just did not occur to me not to take the kids. Of course, the reality of the trip differed from the decades of daydreams I’ve had about café life in The City of Lights. Certainly museums were on the agenda, the boys got to go to the Louvre, the Rodin museum, and the Musee d’Orsay among others.  We took the creepy, damp underground tour of the catacombs. We ordered café au lait and chocolat chaud when we needed an afternoon refreshment.

But the high points of the trip were the little things. Things like:  figuring out how to buy Metro ticket from the only automatic dispenser in Paris with no instructions in English, Max haggling with a vendor over the price of a fedora, happening upon a magician performing in the street and Gus requesting “Monsieur! L’addition, sil vous plais!” each time we had a meal out, seeing the Eiffel Tower lit up, wandering lost through the streets of Paris late at night and retracing our steps the next day to find out we walked right by the Metro stop, discovering the bliss of the chocolate shops and boulangeries along with the envy of realizing that Parisians can eat those delights everyday and any day.

I didn’t bother to explain to them why it was so important to me to visit the grave of the French writer Colette, instead emphasizing the cool points they’ll have for rest of their life just for seeing Jim Morrison’s grave. We tried to find Chopin’s final resting place but the twisting, hodgepodge of tombs that is Cimetiere du Pere Lachaise proved too much for us. And it sure seemed we must of have either gotten on or off every single metro stop in Paris at least once.

But the real reason I took the boys with me was because they knew it was a place I have always wanted to see.  I wanted them to know that Mom can do cool stuff too. I don’t want them to ever hear them say, “You know, I’ve always wanted to do or see such-and-such, but I never did.”  I think the best way to prevent that is for them to never hear those words from me.

Do you travel much with your kids? Why is it important to you? Do you have a favorite trip that you’ve shared as a family?

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6 Comments on “The Purpose of Paris”

  • prince charming July 22nd, 2011 6:36 am

    when are you taking me to paris?

  • bill mercer July 22nd, 2011 8:02 am

    I spent six weeks in school there while in college and had the time of my life. Every night spent in the city was an adventure.Happy for you and the bpys.

  • Mj Vieweg July 25th, 2011 8:45 am

    Thanks, Bill. Even though it was my dream, I will never regret sharing my first Paris trip with my kids!

  • Bill Mercer September 30th, 2011 6:28 pm

    I just read this again and feel even more impressed. It is remarkable that your boys wanted to go. In reading your article, it “feels” like they “got it”.

    I hope to return there one day and spend more time away from “Place Pigalle!”

    Bravo!

  • MJ Vieweg October 1st, 2011 8:21 am

    Hi Bill, the boys have recognized the value of the trip, I think. It paid off for Gus once so far when he was the only one in his class who knew who of the sculpture “The Thinker” and who Rodin was..

    Thanks for taking the time to commet, Bill. Next time we go to Paris, let’s compare notes!

  • I Would Have Said Yes | RealiTeen June 14th, 2012 5:01 pm

    [...] qualifying the purchase.  Usually these are the extraordinary experiences rather than things.  A trip to Paris, for example or a deep-tissue, aromatherapy massage.  Even a ticket for my son to see a live [...]

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